FORWARD #2

I have been contemplating for some time now the contrast between being in the here and now and looking ahead to the next moment. Over the past few years I have worked diligently on practicing presence, being in the moment, accepting what is as it is, and allowing things to unfold before me. This practice has created considerable peace for me in many respects. Though, as of late, the word FORWARD keeps resonating in my mind.

At a race earlier this year, I caught myself being consumed by the present moment. In some respects I was pleased to have been so present, as at times in the past I have finished races and been like, “I don’t know what happened!”… almost like a moment of detachment or dissociation had occurred. This time though was different, I was there, fully there as I felt my legs begin to slow down despite my head yelling at them to, “Go! Go! Go!”  The next thing I knew, I was off the back. The pack had crested the hill and I was now chasing. At the time I felt I had given it all I had, but in retrospect I wonder,  “Did I really?” Not to be self critical, but in later examination of the course, I realized I was but a stones throw from the crest of the hill when this, what I like to call, “molasses moment” occurred. What would have happened if I had looked up?

This thought still crosses my mind today as I catch myself on my bike and in other situations in my life with my head down or consumed with the moment at hand. What would happen if I look up? I ask myself this often and when I do, I generally feel a physical shift in my body, a shifting of energy and a shifting of perspective. By lifting my head up I am giving myself the subtle reminder to take the next step FORWARD and move into the next moment.

Often times this little shift in perspective can make a volume of difference.  By picking our heads up, refocusing on our goal or target and taking the next step, we remind our bodies on a neurological level that there is more than the narrow focus of the moment at hand.

For now, personally, I have made it my practice to keep my eyes up and remember the word FORWARD both on and off the bike and, thus far, I am liking the results. So when my mind wanders to the things in life that I don’t like, the things that I would like to be different, the things I would like to change, I do my best to remember the word FORWARD, pick my head up and ask myself,  “If I don’t want this, what do I want? And what is one step I can take right now that will move me in that direction?”... then.. I DO IT!

As silly as it may seem, as one moment ends a new moment begins. This little truth has proved a priceless reminder to me and no doubt it may for you as well.

FORWARD my friends..

Until next time..

 

H

The FIrst Day of the Rest of My Life or ... My Encounter with the Cliffs of Laguna Beach

Moving forward seems to be a reoccurring theme for me lately. I have been working on a new post on the topic but for now I will share this story from a couple years ago. I know for me, I have found myself at that half way mark many times in my life. That place where all I want to do is turn back, but going back is not really an option and at the same time, the thought of taking that next step forward is near paralyzing. aAt these times, what I hold to most is that brief moment of silence and stillness and the belief, "if not this, something better. Maybe I am deluding myself, but to date, it has worked pretty well. =] We can't go back and undo what has already happened. And although there may be safety and familiarity in what has been, the future holds endless possibilities of what is yet to be. After all, life is about growth right? And what are we if we aren't growing moving forward and unfolding into the next moment of what is to come. Remember, it's all an adventure. So why not jump in and enjoy the ride? 

June 1, 2011 at 7:43am

PublicFriendsFriends except AcquaintancesOnly MeCustomClose FriendsfriendsSee all lists...Tempe, Arizona AreaArizona State UniversityPrivate PracticeFamilyCycling FriendsTri FriendsIL friendsold family friendssarn friendsSkating FriendsVitesse FriendsTaxi Friendsred rock friendsFB friendsGROWTHspring Counseling and CoachingAcalanes HighAcquaintancesGo Back

Soo… I think yesterday marks the first day of my new life. I had an interesting encounter with the cliffs in Laguna Beach and though subtle, the lessons from that experience keep emerging as time passes and deeper connections continue to be made.

Here is how my story unfolds… Yesterday morning I arose early, as usual, though more effortlessly than has been normal as of late. It was a calm and quite morning in Laguna Beach, CA. The winds from the previous day had blown over and the morning was clear and still. I left the boys sleeping with the intent on being back before their plans for breakfast with the girls, the highlight of the ams here at the Rivera, and I turned back one last time, as those who know me all too well are familiar with, to get my phone.. just in case.. better to have it with me.. better safe than sorry.

So with phone in hand and ipod playing Stoa so eloquently in my ears, I took off down the street. I felt so alive and at peace and then I remembered I had forgotten to take my mornings dose of Athlete Octane! I was quite disappointed by this as I have grown to enjoy the gentle cinnamon orange flavor as part of my pre-training nutrition. Since I had been noticing quite profound improvements in my overall cardiovascular performance, I was fairly certain that I had already reached optimal serum blood concentration levels for my body and I knew that taking the dose post workout would suffice, especially since I was merely going out for a one hour base run anyway. So onward I ran.

Running south on PCH, as I do most every year when visiting the beach, I took in the ocean air, enjoyed my music and merged with the colors of the landscape all around me. I felt like I was floating, slicing through time. The journey was effortless.. my pace was solid yet constant and my lungs felt expansive and ever full of oxygen (one of the subtle but significant side effects I have experienced since taking AO).

I had decided on an hour run, base to natural running pace.. with a less-than-firm plan of an out and back format. As I took in the sounds and smells of the surrounding atmosphere, I pondered the idea of running back north along the shore once I hit the turn around point. I thought to myself, “What the heck? It’d be nice to be down by the water.” But I knew that there were coves and out croppings of rocks and tide pools along the way so I was not quite sure if it was really even possible to make it all the way back to main beach from where I was. So, at that time, I tossed the idea and continued onward.

That was until I saw this curious little enclave that led down to the beach from the HWY. It had an “Alice and Wonderland” like feel to it.. all covered in vines and branches with twisty steps and large tress. (I am a total sucker for things like this.. the more magical and secret the spot looks the more curious I become and enticing it seems..) So, true to form, the decision was made and off I went. “What the heck?” I thought,  “You only live once, right? Let’s see what this path has to offer…”

And so down the stairs and on to the beach I went. At first glance, harmless. So I ran further south and then turned around to head back once I got to the first out cropping. I snapped a couple of pictures and began my journey back. I knew I had to navigate a few tide pools and rock formations but, I thought, “let’s get over this one and then I can always go up the next set of stairs on the other side.”

So I went, and I got through, and it was no big deal… mission accomplished! At that point I began to take on the mindset of “Free Running”… well, sort of. I wasn’t exactly running in a straight line but I wasn’t letting the objects in front of me hinder my forward progress either. It was liberating. I was enjoying my run… or adventure as it had become… snapping pictures, recording the ocean sounds and keeping a steady pace… that is, when I wasn’t clambering over the rocks or tip toeing through the tide pools.

After about the 4th out cropping and having navigated through a cavernous hole in the side of a cliff, I passed a baby seal and a few folks who were tending to it while they waited for the rescue team to come. Just another amazing little moment. He was precious, but looked sad… Stevie the Seal.. and no.. I did not name him… the lady that was tending to him had said he had been doing the “Stevie Wonder” and hence.. his name was born. I stopped when I came upon Stevie and chatted with the lady for a bit and then I returned to my journey.

I noticed that the next out cropping in front of me was a little bit bigger than the others, but by this time there was no doubt in my mind. I stashed my phone and clipped on my ipod then, upward I went. I was full of courage and excitement about the morning and the experience. I was feeling proud of myself because I was actually going to be back on time too! And I was excited about all the miraculous things I had seen and discovered.

Shortly after I started taking on this rock formation, I began to notice that I couldn’t really see where the “other side” was exactly, and I realizing that I was really going up and not just across. At first, again, no doubt in my mind, just curious adventure then, it hit me. I was about ¾ of the way to the top when I fully realized that ummm.. this is seeming a little more daunting than I had expected. I glanced down…it was a LONG way down.. a sharp, pointy, cavernous way down. Not good. Looking back at the path I had taken up, I questioned how I had even made it. It was quite sandy and had very few handholds (at least for this novice rock climber like me!). One attempt to descend told me, “DOWN IS NOT AN OPTION”. So, I sat there for a moment, trying not to panic as the doubtful thoughts began to race through my mind… “OMG! What have I done?!, How am I gonna get out of this one?!”...etc… The thought of having to be “rescued” was more unbearable than the thought of bodily harm and dismemberment from falling, though that was not all that appealing either. I quickly regained my composure and focused on forward movement.

About 10 feet above me was a deck. I figured if I could grab the support beams of the deck I’d be golden. Trespassing was definitely more desirable than the humiliation of having to be “rescued” or the threat of permanent injury or death. I had to get to the deck… “GO forward.. NOW.. don’t look back.. get FOCUSED.. eye on TARGET”.. so there I went. Each hand-hold solid, each move precise with laser focus.
Within minutes, mission accomplished! I had always said that safety and structure were important needs to me but this gave that concept a whole new meaning! I was never so grateful for a solid stable structure in all my life. I didn’t think twice about scaling the underside of the deck to get to the edge, to then find my way up and over the side. It all just unfolded naturally. I was very thankful that no one was up yet at the beach house. Though, had I climbed over the edge to face a rifle at my forehead, I would have at least died knowing that I had been the ONE who got me OUT of the bind on the cliff.. all by myself. But that didn’t happen.. (thank God!)! I did have to climb to the second story of the deck to find a way out, though luckily when I got there, the side gate to the outside world was in fact unlocked.

I was free! Liberated!... from the cliffs and my fears. Unstuck, so to speak. No more sitting in the in between of doubt and uncertainty. No more looking back and obsessively weighing the options. I learned that if there is a WILL, there is in fact a WAY! IF you are WILLING to BELIEVE! I also learned that sometimes, to get where you need to go, you got to think outside the box of limitations, rules and expectations and just do what you know in your heart of hearts is true.

My cruise back to the hotel was delightful. Calm and collected. A few battle wounds on my legs but a sense of okayness within my spirit.

And btw.. I was still on time for breakfast.. where my Athlete Octane was waiting for me..
and it was still cold…



No matter how big, no matter how small.. just take the next step.. and NEVER.. EVER look back..

Always an adventure… hope you enjoyed the story. It is in fact true..even the part about the Athlete Octane. I have to say that I have noticed some truly remarkable changes in my performance and training ability since I have been taking Athlete Octane. I feel better over all, I have more energy and I seem to be able to step it up a notch in places where I have consistently fallen off in the past. I am glad to be alive today to continue my training and racing. As an athlete, I have lofty goals.. with the right focus and attention, a willingness to believe in my ability and AO as part of my overall training plan, I have no doubt that I will achieve them!

Heidi
Lead with your heart and the rest will follow… 

Being You!!

So this past work week  was an incredible week, as most are for me with my clients. Each session brings new insights and experiences and I can't express enough how amazing it is to me to see my clients begin to transform before my eyes. 

Over the years I have developed a nack for being attuned to the subtle shifts and nuances that come with emotion health and healing. I see things that many would not notice or even acknowledge as significant, but to me, any shift means growth.. A difference in body posture, a change in tone, an ability to more clearly articulate feelings.. The changes are subtle like I said, most times, but nevertheless they are there.

As I watched this week though, something truly miraculous unfolded.. And it was funny because it seemed to be a theme for the week as it wasn't just with one client but an energetic sense that seemed to flow from session to session.

As each session unfolded, I heard story after story of in some way being closed off, shut down or being told to be something or someone different than who they were. Some accounts were with current relationships, some were historical in nature but each client seemed to be remembering times when the world had mirrored back to them how they in some way were just not OK.

Now we all have had these experiences, they aren't foreign or unique in the general sense, the world is a harsh place and even the best intentioned parent or friend will unknowingly shut us down at some point in our lives... It's inevitable.

What was striking this week though was the light that seemed to return to the eyes of one of my clients as we reflected on the qualities that would make him a prime candidate for a summer job he was prospecting. His demeanor was monotone, serious and flat as he was telling me he saw himself and funny, light hearted, sociable and energetic. I asked him if he realized the discrepancy between what he was saying and how he was showing up, and he said 'well yes, but I was told I needed to be professional and serious when going in to inquire about a job.' To which I assured him that there was definitely a time and place to be professional and serious and yet what it looked like to me was that he was squashing his best qualities right now. When I said this, his demeanor shifted. He smiled. He became more animated. His eyes brightened. His tone changed. It was like I was watching a total transformation right before my eyes. 

To me, what I saw in those moments was an individual truly stepping back into himself. He seemed to realize that he, as he was, had value, that he could be professional and still be himself.

Most times it takes a lot longer than just a few words from a therapist to bring about such changes, but the message is a powerful one to take home. Each and everyone of us does ourself a favor when we own who we are. When we step into our own skin and show up. It's like saying, ' Hello world! I am here!' And knowing that you being here matters and has value. Most people have had so many experiences throughout their lives that have told them that they were not ok, wrong or not enough. When we believe these things about our essence, we abandon ourselves and our relationships. That quite voice the hides away in the deep dark corners of our minds that whispers these thoughts keeps us limited in accessing our full potential.

We don't all have a therapist or dear friend handy to remind us that we are enough but we do have our own awareness to help us on the quest. If you happen to hear that critic in your mind in the future, take a deep breath and ask yourself what's really true. Remind yourself that you belong here, that you have value by your own birth right, and that you matter. Then notice what happens in your body.

 Many of you will notice a shift in tension, if only momentary. Keep practicing. The moments will grow.. Especially if you do have a group of positive friends and supportive people in your life.

If not, and you notice that you are experience  considerable distress from the thoughts,  you may want to consider calling a local therapist. There are ways to move through these issues and promote optimal well being and it doesn't have to take a life time of counseling or therapy to get there. =] 

All my best to you... From me to you.. remember: YOU MATTER!!

Heidi

FORWARD

I've been mulling over the word FORWARD in my head for some time now. Many times over the last few months I have found myself in a dilemma, difficulty or stuck spot and remembering the word FORWARD has helped me to unstick myself, find my footing and decide on my next right move. For some this may seem a no brainer. You just do it, you keep moving and you don't let your feelings or the dualities that exist within your mind slow you down. But for others I know, much like myself.. It's not quite so easy. Well, let me rephrase that... The action is just that easy but the process of getting there isn't. The fight between our head and our hearts, logic and emotion, can take it's toll and I am the first to admit that I have experienced it first hand. It is in these moments though that I value my centering time most. It is these moments that birth the most personal growth if I am willing to sit quietly and listen. 

I sit and I breathe. Focusing on my breathing helps to ground and center me. It is a meditative quite that allows for a recentering. It works like focusing on the hub of a spinning bicycle wheel. It gets at the root and though there may be chaos all around, it gives me a channel in which to center my energy.

Once I am grounded in my breathing, I ask myself 3 questions... 1) what am I feeling right now? And I wait quietly for the answer to emerge from within me.. 2) what is it that I am needing right now? And again, I wait quietly for the answer to emerge from within me.. And 3) what action can I take or do I want to take to get this need met right now?... And once more I wait quietly for the answer to emerge.

It is in this centering and self reflective time that I reconnect to my life energy and to the wisdom that lies within me. It is also in this time that I re-empower myself to take action in my life. If I sit with those questions and I come to the conclusion that I want to do nothing about the current situation that is causing me distress... so be it. But I have chosen that and in that I have taken back my power. Even the nondoing is action in this regard. 

This process helps me to  keep moving FORWARD in my life by keeping me awake to my inner process and reminding me that I ultimately am the author of my daily experiences... And so are you.

Practicing Presence

Take it in, take it all in.. Sights, sounds, smells,  colors, textures... 

As I sit here on the final night of my annual stay on the shores of our western coast, I breathe in the salt air, feel the cool breeze against my skin and allow the sounds of the crashing ocean waves to penetrate my experience. I am here, fully here to take in this moment. There is no way to replicate it. It is here and unfolding before me as each new wave unfolds upon the shore.

This moment is soothing to my soul. I feel my body relax and the tension drain with each new breathe I take. Breathe it in.. Be here now.. These are the words I say to myself to help me stay grounded and engaged with my life as it is happening before me.

Not all days will be like tonight, but no matter. By practicing presence now I am helping to train my body to take in my world regardless of the circumstance and I am creating a refuge for myself in the memory that I am creating while I am writing this. I say to myself, remember this moment.. Remember this feeling.. Breathe it in.. And my body will, and my nervous system will and it will forever be here now as a resource for me when I am in need of a calm and peaceful surrender.

We are all capable of creating our own resources by practicing a mindful presence in our everyday experiences. Take in the wonders of the world around you, connect with the feeling that it elicits in your body and breathe it in. Remind yourself to remember this feeling and you will be on your way to developing a presence that keeps you alive to the workings of the world around you and growing the network of positive associations within you to help empower you to move through difficult times as well.

Little miracles..

Well.. I started writing this post as I walked out of my office and noticed the sense of gratitude that I felt for all that is in my life right now and then blogger lost my post. =] lol oh my..
So I have taken a deep breath and have begun again. (Note to self.. Take the picture before you write.)
As I sit here and take in all that surrounds me, the warmth of the sun, the fresh smell in the air, the brightness of the blue sky above me I can't help but be grateful for this life.
There are many things that aren't going as I would like them to in my life right now yet in moments like these I am filled w a sense of wonder, calm and appreciation for what is.
I encourage you all to take a moment to pause amongst your 'business' and take note of the little miracles around you.
Life does not always give us what we want and at times what it hands us may be quite devastating. Even in those moments though there is beauty in being able to accept what is and the feelings that go along w it. There is beauty in being able to fully embrace our sadness and our fears as much as there is beauty in being able to fully embrace our successes and triumphs. I encourage you to see the little miracles that exist in the experience of emotion itself. Imagine that.. How is it that our bodies are capable of such subtle and miraculous things?
Inside or out there are miracles all around us. In this moment I am choosing to embrace this life as it is unfolding before me. I am blessed.
As are you.
Peace my friends.