Understanding and Toughness... There is a Connection

You know, I've been thinking about this for some time now. We as athletes tend do be naturally, tough, tenacious, hard headed, determined, focused, driven.. you know the bill.. and beyond that, as athletes, we admire these qualities in ourselves and others. After all, they rock, if I do say so myself.

Though when it comes to relationships, intimacy, and connection, these matters take on a certain quality that can, on the surface, seem to come into stark contrast with our all too glamourous "toughness". The art of slowing down, the art of attending to, the art of having patience with, actually seeing and understanding another, all can certainly strike a chord of anxiety in someone who is drive to go and achieve. But personally, I think these qualities serve only to compliment our tenacity and toughness.

Quite frankly speaking, when we train, isn't rest and recovery just as important as our training itself? Don't we need to give our bodies the time it needs to repair and heal, and adapt to the stress that we have put it through? As an athlete myself I know all too well how difficult this can be at times, but I also know, that without it, our performance will suffer, we will be more prone to injury and ultimately put our athleticism at risk. And I know not a one of you wants that. =]

So, when we take time to recover, and truly recover, and we practice slowing down, tending to our bodies and listening to what we need, we are in essence, beginning to hone the skills that our relationships need as well. Relationships take tenderness and understanding. They take a willingness to step outside of our own perspective and see the other person's point of view. They take an honest assessment of ourselves and what we truly have to give to see the relationship succeed. These things are hard to do when we are going 100 miles an hour in "achievement" mode. But they are possible when we slow down turn inward and honestly evaluate our own emotional experiences, and they are also possible when we slow down, pause, look deeply into the eyes of the person we are sharing our life with and do our best to honestly see, hear and understand them and what they need on an emotional level.

After all, in the end, we can't take the medals, awards or money for that matter, with us. We can't take our loved ones with us either, but to be able to rest knowing that we have done our best to do good by the one's we have share our lives with? Is't that what it's all about?

Peace my friends,

Heidi

the pic on this page captures my point here exactly.. enjoy.. http://www.anthonymillerphotography.com/2011/02/understanding/

aRticulate it Thursday: The Result Comes from How You Ask...

Once you have been able to clearly form your message, the next vital skill in interpersonal communication is to learn the difference between making demands and requests.

Don't get me wrong, there is a time and a place for giving a firm directive. Yet, in our day to day interactions with our coworkers and loved ones, if we can learn the art of making requests we can cut down on defensiveness and unnecessary tangential discourse. After all, the objective is to create connection and or  get the task done, no?

So the next time you find yourself telling a friend or a loved one to DO something. Stop. Pause.. Breathe. Then ask yourself what you are really asking. Make it specific, clear, and measurable. Now, if like I said last week, this part is hard, then share that and work through the request with your loved one. Otherwise, state the request, in a tone that communicates respect for the other person and wait for their response.

Now again, by making a request, yes, you give the other person the option of saying, "no". If you are in fact met with a "no" there are ways to work with that. Communicating the importance to you is one such strategy. I will go into that more next week.

For now, watch your interactions. How often do you make demands of others in your life? How often do you simply ask? How do others respond when you demand vs request? It may feel weird at first. You may even end up with more disappointment iin the beginning. This is not uncommon. It is simply an indicator of the type of communication that the people around you have become used to. With practice and diligence, it will get easier and I don't doubt, in the long run, you will begin to see your relationships strengthening as a result.

All my best,

Heidi

WE POWER Wednesday: The Power of Encouragement 9.4.13

As I watched the TED talk I posted yesterday, I was moved by  Diana's story about her father. Yes, the story in it of itself was touching, but what struck me more than anything else was the power of belief and the gift of encouragement.

Often times we forget how important it is to believe in and encourage the ones that we love. We can be quick to judge, point out fault or insist on needing to be "realistic", all thing we usually do to be "helpful," yet we are forgetting the damaging effects these kinds of interactions can have on one's confidence.

Take a minute and imagine yourself getting ready to tackle a really big task, maybe something your've been dreading or something that has just been a thorn in your side. Now watch yourself move through the motions of the task and say to yourself something encouraging, like "I can do" or "Take the next step" or "I got what it takes"... what ever words seem to give you a little forward push. Just take in the feeling. Notice what it's like to have your head as your cheerleader. Notice what it feels like in your body... and breathe it in.

Now alternatively, bring up the same task and allow your doubting mind to run the show. Hear the messages that are probably more loud, the one's like, "I don't know about this", "this is a waste of time", or "I can't do it" or what ever they may be and do the same. Notice what happens in your body. Notice what the energy is like, what feelings go along with it.

Note the subtle differences that emerge from each experience. It is these subtle differences that determine the difference between winning and losing in a race or in initiating a plan of action or staying stuck in a nonworking pattern. The coolest part about it though is that we all hold the power within us to help tip the scale in a forward direction for ourselves and others.

Our minds and our words of encouragement are our allies in having a positive impact on our sense of wellbeing and the world around us. Through an active commitment to motivate and encourage ourselves and the ones we love we help to instill a sense of confidence and belief that has the potential to make more champions like Diana.

On this WE POWER Wednesday I encourage you to use your gifts of encouragement and belief today to boost up someone you love. Tell them you believe in them, let them know you got their back and that they are capable. Do your best to communicate these messages not only with your words but your actions as well. I will do the same.

All my best to you,

Heidi

aRticulate it THURSDAY: It's all about YOU!

aRticulate it Thursdays are all about linguistics. How can we use language and our awareness of it, to get our messages heard, as well as communicate understanding to the ones we hold close?

Today's tip is to play a mindfulness game with ourselves. I know, sounds weird. Hear me out though. So the mindfulness practice is to make the word "you" our focus, just like we would with our breathing in a sitting meditation. Throughout the day, observe the use of the word "you" in our interactions with others. Make it your task to notice how the word is used and how often.

(This is what happens when we use the word "you" without ownership of your own stuff too much =] )

Often times, when the word "you" is used in interpersonal communication we are deflecting our own personal experience and pointing the finger at another. As in, "You really shouldn't do that." This can be translated to: "I don't like what you are doing, would you be willing to stop?" Notice the change in the communication? The word "you" is still used but the context is different and instead of making a demand, the dislike is owned, and then a request for change is made.

We also use the word "you" to show approval and congratulations. Which, yes, is way cool... yet for some, the "You did an amazing job!" can also mean, "Oh man, if I don't do it that way again, then I must be a real screw up!" I know, crazy, but these things happen in our minds and if we acknowledge that fact, then through mindful awareness, we can work to be sure our words send the message that we fully intend. In this case, a simple, "WOW!" could go along way. The recipient might respond, "Wow! What?"... and you could say, "I was pretty impressed with that performance!" Again, here, there is ownership for the impression instead of projection or judgement.

So for now, the task is to just be a watchful observer of how the word, "you" shows up in your life today. I find it to be a pretty fun practice myself. Hope "you" do as well. =]