Practicing Presence

Take it in, take it all in.. Sights, sounds, smells,  colors, textures... 

As I sit here on the final night of my annual stay on the shores of our western coast, I breathe in the salt air, feel the cool breeze against my skin and allow the sounds of the crashing ocean waves to penetrate my experience. I am here, fully here to take in this moment. There is no way to replicate it. It is here and unfolding before me as each new wave unfolds upon the shore.

This moment is soothing to my soul. I feel my body relax and the tension drain with each new breathe I take. Breathe it in.. Be here now.. These are the words I say to myself to help me stay grounded and engaged with my life as it is happening before me.

Not all days will be like tonight, but no matter. By practicing presence now I am helping to train my body to take in my world regardless of the circumstance and I am creating a refuge for myself in the memory that I am creating while I am writing this. I say to myself, remember this moment.. Remember this feeling.. Breathe it in.. And my body will, and my nervous system will and it will forever be here now as a resource for me when I am in need of a calm and peaceful surrender.

We are all capable of creating our own resources by practicing a mindful presence in our everyday experiences. Take in the wonders of the world around you, connect with the feeling that it elicits in your body and breathe it in. Remind yourself to remember this feeling and you will be on your way to developing a presence that keeps you alive to the workings of the world around you and growing the network of positive associations within you to help empower you to move through difficult times as well.

What's up?

Many of you have heard me say this over and over again... 'What's up?' =] At times I am using it in the very typical and familiar sense as a way of joining or acquainting. But those of you that know me more closely know that a 'What's up?' from me is a cue to check what is happening in your body.

Now you may think that sounds strange or weird and I'd agree,I think, if I wasn't a therapist, but hear me out here. As human beings, like it or not, we all deal with emotions and reactions to the world around us. At times we can integrate these experiences into a pattern of living and responding to the world that works for us. We tend to do this unconsciously as it is quite a natural instinct. But have there been times in your life where you have behaved or reacted in a manner that you're not so proud of? Or maybe gone numb or cold to the people in your life? We all tend to have these experiences too. Therefore, making that natural instinct more conscious can help keep us in the driver seats of our emotional experience and less of a passenger to our feelings.

So what the heck do I mean by, 'What's up?' and what are you feeling in your body?  Well, it's really quite simple. When you notice that your are feeling something...getting annoyed or anxious or having a reaction or physical sensation that you don't particularly like, ask yourself, 'What's up?' By this I mean, notice the sensations that you are having without judgement and aversion. Just notice what is actually happening in your body. For example, let's say I just got finished mopping the floors and my son walks in the house from the pool sopping wet with no towel, after walking thorough the dirt in the back yard =] (Nice one eh?) Ok, so yes, as I turn and see him scurrying down the hall, I notice that my whole body tightens, my jaw clenches, I'm holding the mop tighter and my head starts to shake. Hmmm... What do you think I'm feeling? 

This is the next question in the process. Once you notice the body sensations that you are having without judgement, then you ask yourself, 'What am I feeling?' calmly.. again, without judgement or aversion. So just what am I feeling in this example? I'd have to say I'm probably feeling many thing, but mostly, annoyance, disbelief, frustration.. And yes.. Then I breathe, because after all he is my son.. (and how he got to be 7 years old without learning that you dry off before you go into the house is beyond me.) So, I recognize I am feeling these feelings, I breathe, as a step to create a pause button so I don't react immediately to the feelings I'm having, because after all feelings do lie, and I don't want to regret the action I take later on. 

After I breathe, I then ask myself, 'What am I needing?' What am I needing is an interesting question. This in not a 'need you to do something' question.. This is a 'what matters to me? What do I value question?' This distinction is very critical to make as it puts you back in the power seat, helps you to reconnect with what matters to you most and allows you to stay more  in charge of the outcome of your reality. That being said, go back to my example. Any guesses as to what I was needing or valuing? Well, I'd have to say, number one, I was valuing the clean floor I had just finished mopping and  I was valuing understanding from my son as I was wanting him to see that I had worked hard on the floor and would appreciate it if he could do his best to keep it clean.  Make sense?

Ok that being said we get to the next step. Here is where the action comes in. The last question that you ask yourself is, 'What do I want to do about it?' More clearly stated, now that I know what I am feeling and what matters to me, what steps do I want to take to get those needs met? In my example, the simple answer to my question is, speak with my son. How to speak to my son gets a little more complicated.

Now, had I reacted and skipped the breathing or the introspective questions I may have yelled at my son, making him mad or upset, and knowing him,  if that were the case, my need for understanding would have gone out the window and the next time he was swimming I'd be sure to have more muddy water on the floor. So since that didn't happen and I did pause, breathe and reflect, I get to decide what I want to do. Since I am waning a clean floor and understanding. I choose to speak to my son in a tone that promotes understanding and say something like, 'Dear, I realize you have been having fun swimming, and I am happy about that. Did you notice that when you came in that you tracked water and dirt all over the floor?' I would wait for his response and then continue, 'Mom, doesn't like that. I work hard to keep the house clean and now the floor is dirty again. Can you understand what that's like for me?' The understanding question is key. Always ask for understanding of you message. Most times this questions alone when used properly will get an emotional shift in the person you are talking to which will deepen the conversation. Then, if I was requesting anything from him I would ask, 'Son, please remember in the future to dry off completely before coming in the house. Can you do this?' Sure I could ask him to clean up the floor and I may.. But my point here is not about parenting, it's about noticing what is happing within you during an emotional experience and finding a way to identify and communicate your needs in an effective manner =]

Now, if the person you are communicating with is someone you love and trust and they love and trust you back, this exchange will go down pretty flawlessly without conflict and both parties will leave with a better understanding of the other and a way to help continue to grow the relationship. An exchange such as this communicates trust and respect and puts the relationship above all else which creates closeness and understating. Now if your relationship is more combative, defensive or less personal, there are some other things to consider which are beyond the scope of this blog post today. Stay tuned for more information on how to deal with those situation in the future.

To go back to the 'What do I want to do about it question?' I very well could have made the decision to clean up the floor and say nothing. In some instances this may be the most adaptive response. (I know all you parenting gurus out there are flipping out right now.. But I am not writing on parenting, but rather on healing and self awareness=) ) Let's say, you have had a terrible week, are feeling on the edge of a break down and know that your relationship with your son is less than ideal. Let's say that no matter how nicely you speak to him, he reacts defensively and you both end up in a worse place than you started. In this situation, though not ideal, let's say you go through the 'What's up?' questions and you DECIDE after reflection that what you need and value beyond a clean floor is peace,  so you decide to not say anything today. That is ok! As long as you make the decision to say nothing. It may not solve the problem of the pool water on the floor in the long run but it will get your need for peace met in the moment and that will most likely be more healing for you in the short term. Make sense? The true key in all of this is making your emotional responses  conscious so you can CHOOSE how you want to tend to your needs.

For now, the 'What's up?' is a tool you can use to help you better understand your needs, and when used in relationship with another, it can help to facilitate better understanding and connection between you and your loved one.

For review the steps are as follows:

1) become aware of any feeling or reaction you are having to an internal or external stimuli or situation

2) ask yourself, 'What's up?' and observe the physical sensations that are happening in your body without judgement or aversion

3) ask yourself, 'What am I feeling?' and identify the feelings that are happening in response to the stimuli to the best of your ability, again without judgement or aversion

4) BREATHE.. breathing helps to reset the nervous system and calm the body naturally.. (It's scientifically proven all you fact based analysis out there =])

5) ask yourself, 'What am I needing?' meaning.. What am I valuing or what matters to me right now? 

6) ask yourself, 'What do I want to do about it?' or what action do I want to take to get this need met. Be aware that the action may be to do nothing. This is ok as long as you consciously CHOOSE to do it!

Print it out, read it often and do a 'What's up?' check at least one time daily. Even if you aren't feeling distress, the 'What's up?' works with positive emotions too. If you are feeling happy, you can notice where you are feeling that in your body and recognize what needs of yours are truly being met in the moment. This in fact, can be even more healing as it strengthens your resources for when things aren't quite going as you might like!

All my best to you..

Heidi

 

What's Your Commitment?

So I took the plunge… Yep, day 1 back in the water post IMAZ 2012. The water, supremely chilly, seemed to slowly freeze the outer layers of my flesh with each progressive lap and yet, as it did it seemed almost soothing. Cooling, refreshing, healing in many ways.

Over the past 2 and a half weeks I have climbed to the towers, ridden around the mountain, done my fair share of running, taken a yoga class and even pressed a little weight (with the help of a near and trusted friend =) ) . But as of yet I am still goalless in many regards.

I have ideas of what I would like to see with regard to my health, fitness and training in the year to come but the goals have not been penned and the decisions have not been made. Guess you could say I have not committed.

With LTFs big Commitment day ahead of us in the coming month the word Commitment has been resonating with me lately. What am I ready to commit to in 2013? What will the new year bring? What do I want to accomplish? What really matters to me in terms of health wellness and fitness?

These questions swirl in my mind… I know I have so much potential… how to I tap into it? How do I know that what I choose will be a success? And as I write this the answers seem to unfold as easy as the questions… I don’t know.. I won’t know.. and that is ok. Success isn’t the goal. The goal is in the application, choosing to do something and seeing it through. Choosing to do something and listening to the subtle cues that arise within me as the process unfolds. Those subtle cues will lead the way.

In all the busy-ness of setting goals and accomplishing tasks and finding success lies the gently quietness within each of us that I would call our truth. Listen to that truth, covet that truth.. it is from that truth that we find peace, find love, find wholeness, and connection… after all, isn’t that why we are here in the first place?

So in the end, I guess it doesn’t really matter end goal I commit to in the new year. What matters is that I pick one and then further commit to staying alive and awake to my own personal process as the moments of each day unfold before me.

I encourage you to do the same. =)

Little miracles..

Well.. I started writing this post as I walked out of my office and noticed the sense of gratitude that I felt for all that is in my life right now and then blogger lost my post. =] lol oh my..
So I have taken a deep breath and have begun again. (Note to self.. Take the picture before you write.)
As I sit here and take in all that surrounds me, the warmth of the sun, the fresh smell in the air, the brightness of the blue sky above me I can't help but be grateful for this life.
There are many things that aren't going as I would like them to in my life right now yet in moments like these I am filled w a sense of wonder, calm and appreciation for what is.
I encourage you all to take a moment to pause amongst your 'business' and take note of the little miracles around you.
Life does not always give us what we want and at times what it hands us may be quite devastating. Even in those moments though there is beauty in being able to accept what is and the feelings that go along w it. There is beauty in being able to fully embrace our sadness and our fears as much as there is beauty in being able to fully embrace our successes and triumphs. I encourage you to see the little miracles that exist in the experience of emotion itself. Imagine that.. How is it that our bodies are capable of such subtle and miraculous things?
Inside or out there are miracles all around us. In this moment I am choosing to embrace this life as it is unfolding before me. I am blessed.
As are you.
Peace my friends.

Day 1 in learning a new skill...

So today I embarked on a new journey. After 37 years on this planet, having a passion for music and being around musical instruments my whole life but never once taking a lesson of any kind, a dear friend of mine was sweet enough to give me my first ever guitar lesson. There's nothing like feeling completely and totally novice at something! Oh my... how can something that looks so easy be so hard?!? Well, I am determined. This if for me.
Since I was a child I have always wanted to play an instrument but I never took the time, had the lessons or who knows.. it never happened. Well... today marks the first day of changing that part of my story. Lets see how it unfolds. =) Man.. Should have taken a picture hmm.. next time =)

Post race blues...

So Ironman is over... another year of training has come to an end. So what now?


IM is an event, it's a race it's a day to exhibit to our friends and loved ones all we are capable of and all that we had been working on during those long runs and rides that they all thought we were so crazy for going on in the first place. For me, it is the journey up to an IM that is the most significant. It builds relationships, gives direction and acts as an organizing principle for all other things in day to day life.
In this quite time of the aftermath, this time of slowing down, recovering and finding center I encourage you all to reflect on how IM worked for you in your lives.


Here's what I notice for me.. In this time post IM, as the winter (the little that we have of it here in AZ =) ) is coming upon us I am finding myself reflecting on what really matters to me. What do I value in my life? What role does training have in the greater picture of who I am as a person? What role do I want it to play next year? I am an athlete yes, but I am also a mother, an EMDR therapist, a daughter, a friend, an Octane rep and most importantly a spiritual being. All these roles make up who I am and when I sit quietly with myself and center a find a certain sense of calm, peace and acceptance for all that I have and all I have become in my life time and more specifically over the course of this past year.
I notice my thoughts as they pass in my mind bring me ideas of what I'd like to accomplish over the course of the next year. What I'd like to create in my life. I notice my thoughts reflect on what has worked and what has not worked for me this past year as well. As I wake up to the present moment and notice what is happening in my body and welcome and observe the thoughts that pass through my mind I find clarity on what matters to me in this life.

As you sit quietly with yourself and recenter, I trust you will find things that matter to you. The things that have worked for your over the course of this IM training and year and maybe even somethings that haven't worked so well.  As you awaken to these insights, welcome them. They will serve to help you as you set your plan for the year to come. It doesn't have to be an IM. It can be anything.

For me, I notice the more I allow and welcome what is happening within me to unfold, the feelings, the thoughts and the sensations the more readily the answers come about where to go next. I have felt feelings of sadness, loss, loneliness, gratitude, appreciation and joy all at the same time and at different times in this past week. They come like waves on the ocean. Never staying for too long but visiting nonetheless. Welcome them. They are part of your humanness.

As a final note... remember that more than likely you didn't do an IM because you hate physical activity =). Even if your body is still sore and you are still seeking clarity and direction on where to go next, it's ok to move. It's ok to get on your bike and go for a ride... just for the love of riding. It doesn't matter how long you go, where your heart rate happens to be or how many watts your putting out... just feel the wind in your face, let your legs turn over, allow your blood to flow and see if you can once again reconnect with why you thought swimming 2.4 miles, riding 112 and running a marathon all i the same day was a good idea to begin with. =)

Peace my friends..

I trust you will find what you need... just listen quietly... the answers are already there...

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